Take one food writer named Cranky Agnes, add a hitman named Shane, mix them together with a Southern mob wedding, a missing necklace, two annoyed flamingos, and a dog named Rhett and you ve got a recipe for a sexy, hilarious novel about the disastrous side of true love Agnes Crandall s life goes awry when a dognapper invades her kitchen one night, seriously hampering her attempts to put on a wedding that she s staked her entire net worth on Then a hero climbs through her bedroom window His name is Shane, no last name, just Shane, and he has his own problems he s got a big hit scheduled, a rival trying to take him out, and an ex mobster uncle asking him to protect some little kid named Agnes When he finds out that Agnes isn t so little, his uncle has forgotten to mention a missing five million bucks he might have lost in Agnes s house, and his last hit was a miss, Shane s life isn t looking so good, either Then a bunch of lowlifes come looking for the money, a string of hit men show up for Agnes, and some wedding guests gather with intent to throw than rice Agnes and Shane have their hands full with greed, florists, treachery, flamingos, mayhem, mothers of the bride, and most dangerous of all each other Agnes and the Hitman is the perfect combination of sugar and spice, sweet and salty a novel of delicious proportions


10 thoughts on “Agnes and the Hitman

  1. Em Lost In Books Em Lost In Books says:

    Despite its flaws this made me smile, and I really liked the humor in here A fun story.


  2. Jilly Jilly says:

    I m still on the fence about Jennifer Crusie s books They ride a very fine line between hilarious and hectic stupid There are always tons of characters and some of them are hard to tell apart because the names and personalities are similar or generic It s like the Broadway show Cats Do I like this Or, am I extremely annoyed right now Funny Yes.Annoying Also yes.There is zero believability as well If you are like me, you will become frustrated because of this It s really better if yo I m still on the fence about Jennifer Crusie s books They ride a very fine line between hilarious and hectic stupid There are always tons of characters and some of them are hard to tell apart because the names and personalities are similar or generic It s like the Broadway show Cats Do I like this Or, am I extremely annoyed right now Funny Yes.Annoying Also yes.There is zero believability as well If you are like me, you will become frustrated because of this It s really better if you check your brain at the door A lotfun is had by that method As a matter of fact, as I often tell my kids who are smarter than they should be Stupid people are happier Intelligence makes you depressed Sorry for the brains and all.I also did this to them So they were doomed to be smart and miserable.Okay, so Agnes is a food columnist and writes cookbooks She also has anger issues and has done a lot of court ordered therapy She has a tendency to hit her fiance s with a frying pan Yes,than once For some reason, someone is trying to either kidnap her dog or kill her It s not clear which one So her adopted uncle decides to send her a bodyguard in the way of a hitman named Shane I guess if you want to catch a killer, you need to be the killer Or whatever.Um yeah, sure That s deep, dudesee what I mean about dumb people This guy looks really happy, doesn t he Along with all of the murder attempts, Agnes has to put on an amazing wedding at her house in a few days or she will lose her home Yeah, like I said complicated There is a villain who is trying to stop the wedding from happening because then she gets to steal Agnes home The villain is very OTT.There is a LOT going on in this story It will make you tired But, it was still funny and entertaining, so overall I liked it


  3. Algernon (Darth Anyan) Algernon (Darth Anyan) says:

    To Do List, she thought Feed cast of thousands, several of whom are killers and one of whom is an underage dognapper now living illegally in my barn Plan flamingo wedding Remember not to screw hitman s brains out again even though he s really hot Find nice normal guy without gun permit Take revenge on the sleazy bitch who s trying to swindle me out of my dream house,It was going to be a very busy day.This is screwball comedy at its best, a very entertaining surprise for my summer read To Do List, she thought Feed cast of thousands, several of whom are killers and one of whom is an underage dognapper now living illegally in my barn Plan flamingo wedding Remember not to screw hitman s brains out again even though he s really hot Find nice normal guy without gun permit Take revenge on the sleazy bitch who s trying to swindle me out of my dream house,It was going to be a very busy day.This is screwball comedy at its best, a very entertaining surprise for my summer read list, a real page turner mixing home cooking, anger management, marriage, murder, sex and a shit ton of dirty money in a highly improbable plot that cooks together two genres steamy romance and mob crime from two new authors for me Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer Hollywood, desperate lately for original stories, should pay attention to this homage to the classic zany comedies with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn The heroine, spunky red headed cook and blogger Agnes, makes a reference to another favorite movie of mine that has a similar vibe Like John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank If this book doesn t make you laugh out loud with its scandalous repartees, you re a proper Grinch and I will strike you out from my Christmas card list Peace


  4. Kelly (and the Book Boar) Kelly (and the Book Boar) says:

    Find all of my reviews at StarsJennifer Crusie is an author that one of the nicest people I work with is constantly recommending to me Allow me to do what I do and use some gifs to explain the difference in our personality types If we were Disney princesses, she would be And I would be I just assumed my reaction to her go to gal would be But then she finally wore me down and I gave Bet Me a chance and it was pretty alri Find all of my reviews at StarsJennifer Crusie is an author that one of the nicest people I work with is constantly recommending to me Allow me to do what I do and use some gifs to explain the difference in our personality types If we were Disney princesses, she would be And I would be I just assumed my reaction to her go to gal would be But then she finally wore me down and I gave Bet Me a chance and it was pretty alright so when she said this one was real good I decided it was worth the gamble I mean, a leading lady who got her money by writing a cookbook featuring a mobster, her potential romantic interest being a hitman, a dead dognapper and a missing diamond necklace and possible five million additional bucks What could go wrong WellSeriously, that s the gripe This book shouldn t even be 300 pages, let alone over 400 It s full of over the top, zany, slapstick antics that make for a fun time when confined to a low page count The longer it went, theI felt like I was on an old Hanna Barbera loop Are you old enough to know what that means If not, it goes a little something like soAt some point it became exhausting


  5. Tammy Tammy says:

    your ass is grass and I am a John Deere super classic riding lawn mower with a V6 engine and a double cutting blade, do I make myself clear Agnes Crandall a k a Cranky AgnesDon t you just love Jennifer Crusie s dry sense of humor Things turn south for Agnes Crandall s wedding catering business when a dognapper invades her kitchen holding a gun Agnes whallops him upside the head with a castiron skillet, knocking him thru a hidden door in her kitchen and killing him An unexpected heroyour ass is grass and I am a John Deere super classic riding lawn mower with a V6 engine and a double cutting blade, do I make myself clear Agnes Crandall a k a Cranky AgnesDon t you just love Jennifer Crusie s dry sense of humor Things turn south for Agnes Crandall s wedding catering business when a dognapper invades her kitchen holding a gun Agnes whallops him upside the head with a castiron skillet, knocking him thru a hidden door in her kitchen and killing him An unexpected hero Shane arrives through a window to rescue her, only he turns out to be a professional hitman who was hired by his retired gangster uncle to protect Agnes Shane s uncle sort of forgets to mention that 5 million dollars is hidden somewhere in the house thus the need for protecting Agnes This leads to a string of hitmen, gangsters, crazies and wedding guests searching for the money And then there are the flamingos, the flamingo themed wedding, and the flamingo colored dresses Not to mention the stripper with flamingo pasties.I read this book in early 2008, but couldn t finish it Probably because I am bitter about Crusie s proclamation that she is no longer writing romance and moving on to deeper, darker, paranormal kind of stuff Long story short, it ended up on my wallbanger shelf next to Crusie s first collaboration with Bob Mayer Why, oh WHY, do good authors do this But, being the good girl that I am, I decided to give it a 2nd chance.I struggled with the first 200 pages or so Too many gangsters and dead bodies and characters to keep up with The HUMOR plus Agnes and Shane s HOT relationship was what kept me going But things changed somewhere around the last 100 pages or so and I couldn t put the book down There were twists and turns and every time I thought I had figured out WHODUNIT, the authors threw a monkey wrench in the mix Shane and Agnes s relationship was simple There were no complications No silly misunderstandings And lots of hotness written in classic Crusie style Agnes was a strong character who did NOT need protecting and I liked the way she embraced Shane s job with a great attitude.Did I mention that Agnes had anger management issues and was court ordered to attend therapy Reading her mental arguments with Dr Garvin and hearing her tell him to F off was hilarious Awesome book if you like a good WHODUNIT with strong romantic elements


  6. Jim Jim says:

    I gave 4 stars to a romantic, comedic, murder mystery Amazing, but so was the book It was the great combination of setting, mystery, especially the characters starting with Agnes.Angry Agnes is pretty, a wonderful cook, wears black rimmed glasses She s smart an author really a nice person, but she tends to see red occasionally a dangerous combination as she spends a lot of time in the kitchen where sharp implements heavy pans tend to be at hand One of the things I liked the most I gave 4 stars to a romantic, comedic, murder mystery Amazing, but so was the book It was the great combination of setting, mystery, especially the characters starting with Agnes.Angry Agnes is pretty, a wonderful cook, wears black rimmed glasses She s smart an author really a nice person, but she tends to see red occasionally a dangerous combination as she spends a lot of time in the kitchen where sharp implements heavy pans tend to be at hand One of the things I liked the most is that while there are a lot ofconventionally gorgeous women around, she has no problem with her size 14 dress size That s roughly 40 33 42 for those of you who have noclue about women s dress sizes than I do which is a nice change of pace in these anorexic days Not that a big deal is made about this, but it shines through.The rest of the characters are just as much fun as they their secrets all come together around Agnes wonderful table It s not a huge cast, but there are plenty each is quite distinct with their own set of problems, histories, crazy to cement them in my memory Some start off as caricatures, but all evolve into characters.The plot is a bit overblown absurd, but that s half the fun I knew another shoe had to drop it did, although usually in a direction I hadn t guessed Best of all, it had a great ending I m definitely going to look forbooks by this author


  7. LibraryLass LibraryLass says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this book I enjoyed Crusie Mayer s first book Don t look back as well but this was better Agnes and Shane were wonderful Just enough baggage and angst to keep the chemistry lively I thought the supporting cast of characters was awesome My favourites being LL and Garth I wouldn t class this as a mystery or romance but there is enough of both to satisfy readers of both genres I would call this a fun read It was great Can t wait for the next one Ppl should read thi I thoroughly enjoyed this book I enjoyed Crusie Mayer s first book Don t look back as well but this was better Agnes and Shane were wonderful Just enough baggage and angst to keep the chemistry lively I thought the supporting cast of characters was awesome My favourites being LL and Garth I wouldn t class this as a mystery or romance but there is enough of both to satisfy readers of both genres I would call this a fun read It was great Can t wait for the next one Ppl should read this for what it is a fun romantic romp Cos then they will enjoy it rather than pick it to pieces There are bits that could be picked to bits if one was looking closely, but why would you want to I laughed out loud in places and IMO that s gotta be good.Closed the book with a grin, and read it in one sitting Both indications of a thoroughly enjoyable book


  8. Allison Allison says:

    This book was a pleasant surprise It s a great mix of chick lit and suspense Full of murders, cooking, mobsters, and wedding prep a combo that worked, believe it or not, and gave me plenty to chew on, keeping track of it all It even earned a few chuckles from me which is not easy, since I hardly ever get things that are supposed to be funny.


  9. Bonnie Bonnie says:

    The StorylineAgnes is not your normal chick lit heroine The fact that she s known as Cranky Agnes could give you an idea The fact that she s used a frying pan inways than just cooking I ll give you a hint, one guy now has a metal plate in his head could also give you another idea There s also an incident with a meat fork but I won t spoil the fun for you Or maybe it s the mental conversations she has with her therapistFuck you, Agnes said, bent over the edge of the cake.Angry la The StorylineAgnes is not your normal chick lit heroine The fact that she s known as Cranky Agnes could give you an idea The fact that she s used a frying pan inways than just cooking I ll give you a hint, one guy now has a metal plate in his head could also give you another idea There s also an incident with a meat fork but I won t spoil the fun for you Or maybe it s the mental conversations she has with her therapistFuck you, Agnes said, bent over the edge of the cake.Angry language, Agnes.Fuck you, too, Dr Garvin.I think it s a combination of everything, actually.Agnes leads a quiet, simple, life as a food writer engaged to a quiet, simple man named Taylor Her quiet, simple life takes a sharp 180 the day that she s held at gunpoint for her dog Yes, she s held at gunpoint because they re trying to steal her dog Her life is soon thrown into evenupheaval when a hitman, Shane, is sent to protect her People keep coming after Agnes, trying to steal her dog, trying to kill her, but who s sending them What follows is a rollercoaster ride that s entirely way too much funSomebody might be coming to the house who might be dangerous Really Agnes said Because that almost never happens here With advance notice Should I get my frying pan Final ThoughtsAgnes is going down as one of my favorite book characters of all time, definitely She s a single girl, who loves to cook for her friends, she s preparing to hold a wedding at her house, and she s a food writer I mean, at face value she s just a normal girl Agnes cannot be taken at face value and that s what I loved most, the fact that I was completely surprised at how crazy and lovable she was all at the same time This book was downright hilarious, was extremely enjoyable, the characters were all amazing I especially loved Shane , and why exactly have I never read anything by this author before Will definitely be correcting this, pronto


  10. Marie Marie says:

    5 stars Have you ever read a book that you finish but within 2 4 days you are ready to read it again This is that book for me I have loved several books in my lifetime This book was easily one of my favorite books ever.I think between the humor, violence, humor again, romance, friendships, minor characters, and even the dog, between it all I fell in love with this book Agnes is a cookbook author She also has a column about cooking titled Cranky Agnes She is armed and dangerous, with 5 stars Have you ever read a book that you finish but within 2 4 days you are ready to read it again This is that book for me I have loved several books in my lifetime This book was easily one of my favorite books ever.I think between the humor, violence, humor again, romance, friendships, minor characters, and even the dog, between it all I fell in love with this book Agnes is a cookbook author She also has a column about cooking titled Cranky Agnes She is armed and dangerous, with a frying pan Shane is a hitman, simple as that He swoops in and helps his Uncle Joey keep Agnes safe although she does a pretty bang up job of that herself I adore Shane because of how he treats Agnes Something about a guy respecting a woman that gets me This story had me so enthralled I was screaming at the characters to just whack someone over the head by the end There is a wedding, the mob, government agencies, strays, and revenge This isn t a mystery so to say but it had enough to make me reading just to find out what really happened It s like those alternate endings in the Clue movie That s how I felt for a while Similar too how I felt reading Crusie s Faking It at the end I say if you want to meet a funny set of characters and even fall in love with the minor ones then pick this book up I loved it I will be reading it again shortly