YOU CAN T PICK YOUR FAMILYDeath by Chocolate is her favorite dessert And those knitting needles aren t just for craft projects To most people, Gin Bombay is an ordinary single mom Then again, they don t know she s from a family of top secret assassins Somewhere between leading a Girl Scout troop for her kindergartner would nooses count for a knot badge and keeping their puppy from destroying the furniture, Gin now has to take out a new target BUT YOU CAN PICK THEM OFFExcept this target has an incredibly hot Australian bodyguard who knows just how to make her weak in the knees But with a mole threatening to expose everything, Gin doesn t have much time to let her hormones do the happy dance She s got to find the leak and clear her assignmentor she ll end up next on the Bombay family hit list There s a scene in this book in which the heroine is so awestruck by the handsome man who sits down at her Borders coffee corner table that she ends up sprinkling salt in her latte.That scene could serve as a metaphor for the entire book, which is an astonishing and unlikely mix of funny, fast paced, chick lit set against a totally off the wall background that could have come directly from a superhero comic.Ginny Bombay is a widowed mother of a cute daughter She s also a member of a family that There s a scene in this book in which the heroine is so awestruck by the handsome man who sits down at her Borders coffee corner table that she ends up sprinkling salt in her latte.That scene could serve as a metaphor for the entire book, which is an astonishing and unlikely mix of funny, fast paced, chick lit set against a totally off the wall background that could have come directly from a superhero comic.Ginny Bombay is a widowed mother of a cute daughter She s also a member of a family that has specialised in assassination for thousands of years, each child being initiated at the age of five, trained in the lethal arts, and obliged to make their first hit at fifteen.Two story lines intertwine Ginny s infatuation with Diego, the professional bodyguard she met in Borders, and her involvement with her family affairs The two story lines come together and sour Ginny s relationship with Diego, but all ends well.The ancient family of secret assassins provided both tension and comedy, but despite a total suspension of disbelief, one story element was too much to swallow For a professional assassin who takes meticulous care in all her hits, and is aware of the penalty of prompt execution for any infringement of the family code, Ginny immediately blabs top secret information to her sister and then to most of her relatives, presumably putting all of them at risk of sudden death.This incongruity dropped my rating from five to four Otherwise Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy is a marvellous tongue in cheek romp with a delightfully ebullient middle aged protagonist.Interesting that Ms Langtry like several other authors chose a title that puns on the mondegreen version of Jimi Hendrix s lyric, not the original But then once the mondegreen went viral, even Jimi began to sing the incorrect version I saw him do so live, which just goes to show my age So what s wrong with being a geriatric hippy, huh I ll admit, I pulled this off the library shelf because I thought the title was kinda cute My mistake.I m going to plow ahead with the spoilers here, since I highly recommend not reading this, and so you will not be particularly spoiled.The author wants a breezy, ditzy tone a la Bridget Jones She fails Miserably Gin Bombay is the most vapid, self centered, shallow excuse for a human being to walk the planet She s useless She spends several hours lying on her kitchen floor because some hot I ll admit, I pulled this off the library shelf because I thought the title was kinda cute My mistake.I m going to plow ahead with the spoilers here, since I highly recommend not reading this, and so you will not be particularly spoiled.The author wants a breezy, ditzy tone a la Bridget Jones She fails Miserably Gin Bombay is the most vapid, self centered, shallow excuse for a human being to walk the planet She s useless She spends several hours lying on her kitchen floor because some hot dude she s known for two weeks walks out on her, justifiably upset when she informs him that she kills people for money She s incapable for thinking for 30 seconds without getting derailed by thoughts of sex Incredibly shallow thoughts of sex, of the kind that would put a 13 year old boy to shame It gets old Fast.Other things that get old Constant tee hee reminders that she s an assassin Guess what my favorite dessert is Death by Chocolate Because it has the word death in it, get it It s because I m an assassin Ha ha ha Sometimes I just kill myself No, actually, I kill other people Assassin, hello Tee hee I ll give a very slight credit for not going to the most obvious plot possible, in which the climax is Gin killing her bodyguard boyfriend s client and her easily discovering that the mole is the obnoxious cousin who is established as evil right off the bat Now, the mole is in fact the cousin, but the author at least tries a small fake out first Annoyingly, a lot of time is spent fretting over the motive for why someone with a gigantic trust fund would betray all of their family The only conceivable motive they can come up with is that the perpetrator is trying to get out of the assassination business Given that everyone in the family is inducted into the business at the age of five and required to make their first kill at 15, and if you ever disobey, grandma hunts you down and kills you, that s actually kind of a noble motive And Gin spends some time agonizing over the fact that her five year old daughter is getting dragged into this bloody mess this year and if Gin s deceased husband had known the truth, he would have been horrified But, it turns out that the evil cousin totally did it, just cause For the evulz, I suppose And Uncle Lou, known best for hunting down the last family member to go astray, tries to protect the brat for no real reason, either, just cause we don t like him I guess.So as a reward for unraveling this all, Gin gets to get out of the family business, hurray She never has to do the one thing she s actually competent at again, despite the fact that she didn t lose much sleep over it before and only felt bad because the hunky guy she s bedding was upset Never mind that the rest of her family, including her beloved 5 year old child, is still involved and cannot get out Everything is totally awesome because Gin the selfish, shallow idiot only has to teach her little kid to ruthlessly kill people instead of ruthlessly killing them herself Hurray Oh, and she uses her boon to protect lover boy, instead of just marrying him, without ever considering using it to get her daughter off the hook Yeah, you re just Mother of the Year there.Also, in Science You re Doing It Wrong, another cousin is a super genius inventor whose inventions all break the laws of physics without the author being aware that they do so Here s some hints Noise dampeners do not work exactly the same as plug in odor blockers If you run someone s electronics equipment through an EMP field and wipe it all clean, then your computer whiz cannot simply fiddle with it for five minutes and all the data will miraculously be restored And I m pretty sure there s no way to fry someone s brain through their eye by switching their contacts to laser contacts.So Useless annoying heroine without a conscience or pair of brain cells to rub together Evil cackling bad guy with no reason whatsoever for his actions Incredibly perfect super hunk bodyguard boyfriend who s only slightly disapproving that his girlfriend is an assassin Happy ending that is completely appalling It s not the worst book I ve read this year, but it s pretty darn close YOU CAN T PICK YOUR FAMILY In Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy, the main character Virginia Gin Bombay belongs to a family of assassins In the Bombay family there is no leaving the family business unless you want to die BUT YOU CAN PICK THEM OFF A family meeting is called and usually this only takes place if one of the family members is in big trouble, like they betrayed the family kind of trouble, and that usually means one of the other family members will be chosen to carry out YOU CAN T PICK YOUR FAMILY In Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy, the main character Virginia Gin Bombay belongs to a family of assassins In the Bombay family there is no leaving the family business unless you want to die BUT YOU CAN PICK THEM OFF A family meeting is called and usually this only takes place if one of the family members is in big trouble, like they betrayed the family kind of trouble, and that usually means one of the other family members will be chosen to carry out the assassination Yeah, real warm and fuzzy family we have hereI went into this book hoping that it was truly laugh out loud funny, maybe like Mr and Mrs Smith was funny, especially after she meets a guy who claims to be a bodyguard, which is what she uses as her cover There was so much potential there He could have been secretly working against her or something, but unfortunately that wasn t the case With the exception of one paragraph about Chia Pets with supersonic listening devices, this book didn t make me laugh at all I know I was supposed to find the main character s inner monologue about the hot guy she had just started dating funny but to me it was just cheesy and the insta love thing ugh I was probably also supposed to laugh at the first names of the whole Bombay family in which every one of them is named after a place, like Uncle Lou whose name is Louisiana who would do that to a guy , or cousin Missi That s short for Mississippi in case you couldn t figure that out The whole name thing might have started out mildly amusing, but it got old and repetitive after a while, which resulted in me rolling my eyes every time a new relative was named.However, my biggest problem with this book beyond it not being funny was the fact that the Bombays were all forced to start training to become assassins at the age of 5 and Gin s daughter is now turning 5 If there was anything funny about this book, it would have been trumped by this as I just couldn t stand the thought of training 5 year olds to be killers and there was no way the book could make this seem ok to me Also Gin suddenly realizes her daughter is turning 5 and kind of freaks out about it because, oh my goodness she forgot her daughter was going to have to start her assassin training I m pretty sure that any real mother would have been thinking about that for years.So overall this was a letdown and it seems I m still looking for a really funny, lighthearted mystery This is a series but I will not be continuing with it.Review also posted at Writings of a Reader I read this because the author offered a free download of it, and while the tone was fun my favorite moment was a mention of setting up an assassin training room for five year old girls with a Disney princess theme , the humor was far too much about gags and set ups It s supposed to be a light hearted romp, I know, but the shallowness and the plot holes made me feel like I was wasting my time I love light entertainment, but I still require logical sense, and I couldn t buy into the concept of I read this because the author offered a free download of it, and while the tone was fun my favorite moment was a mention of setting up an assassin training room for five year old girls with a Disney princess theme , the humor was far too much about gags and set ups It s supposed to be a light hearted romp, I know, but the shallowness and the plot holes made me feel like I was wasting my time I love light entertainment, but I still require logical sense, and I couldn t buy into the concept of the book if there was so little evidence to suggest that the protagonist was capable of being a competent assassin The romance was tepid Characters reacted blandly and without uniqueness, and they seemed to service the straight forward plot rather than act out of any actually motivations or desires It was a two dimensional story that remained that way throughout.Additionally, the use of mentally retarded as a pejorative and referring to transsexual as gender challenged made this an unfriendly read